


Already done to myself

by Wayward_daughters



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Breaking of the Wall in Sam Winchester's Mind, Hallucination Lucifer (Supernatural) | Hallucifer, Hurt Sam Winchester, Lucifer messes with Sam, Post-Lucifer's Cage Sam Winchester, Sam Winchester Deals With Things, Sam Winchester is Not Okay
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-15
Updated: 2020-11-15
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:53:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 415
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27576119
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wayward_daughters/pseuds/Wayward_daughters
Summary: “Our brain tends to forget certain life events in order to avoid emotional distress”, he'd read once. That mechanism wasn't really working for Sam Winchester, so he had to look for his own way of coping with the weight of the memories: Burying them under unhealthy amounts of "I'm OK" every day. Sleepless nights. Gloating over the pain of an old wound, which sometimes was the only thread keeping him attached to reality. This is far from being an easy task, especially when Lucifer's living in your head, he knows your darkest secrets and is committed to make your life a living hell.Dean Winchester knew something was wrong, awfully wrong. Perhaps this should’ve not come as a surprise. Ever since the incident involving Cas, his whole life was falling apart—that is if it had ever been stable.  His brother swore to be fine while Satan spent the day whispering in his ear and a new threat—who seemed impossible to defeat—was fixing the world's end. Again. It only remained to drown his sorrows in booze and let everything end for once and all, or, well, get out there and kick as many asses as necessary to fix all of his problems.
Relationships: Lucifer & Sam Winchester
Kudos: 11





	Already done to myself

“You don't know everything about me” Sam muttered, keeping his tired eyes fixed on the man wandering in front of him.

He wasn't sure that claiming this made any sense considering this man was—most likely—a product of his imagination. But Sam felt so exposed around the clock that he wanted, he needed, to draw a line. In the absence of the wall Cas had torn out, drawing the line himself. Convincing himself that there was at least one private nook, a safe spot inside his mind. He closed his eyes tightly, clenched his teeth and imagined a box. He put everything meant to be only his inside it, locked it down and buried it in a concealed corner in his consciousness. Far away from Lucifer. Like a knee-jerk reaction, he pushed his thumb against the now whitish scar on his palm. _Go away. Go away already_.

When he opened his eyes again however, Lucifer was still there. Sam startled when he saw him leaning over him, and suppressed a shiver as the Devil itself smiled pleased. He wasn't going anywhere.

“Sam, Sam” he began, with a calm confidential tone, “I do know everything about you. You're like an open book, a book for really dense kids.” He straightened up before picking up his carefree wondering around the room. “The problem is that you surround yourself with idiots who can't read you”

Sam stared at him, frowning, fist clenched around the comforter of his motel bed. _Not everything_ , he silently insisted. Lucifer stopped abruptly—as if Sam had spoken out loud—he raised an eyebrow looking at him with exaggerated skepticism. Feeling even insulted.

“Please Sam; I thought we were over this. I have access to that lovely imaginary box of yours. I have access to everything that crosses your mind. There are no secrets between us.”

In a blink Lucifer appeared sitting next to him on his bed, hands intertwined on his nape casually. Sam mustered his willpower not to run away. He stayed still, clinging onto the beddings as if it was a handhold, staring straight ahead. Ignore him. If he ignored him he'd get bored. It was his fault for talking to him in the first place. But had he really? That didn't matter. Even if he'd tried screaming to convince himself, Lucifer seemed to recharge to keep torturing him just with the sound of his voice.

“The day you embrace this” he proceeded “it's going to be a real relief!”


End file.
